THE RISE OF SKYWALFUCK

A TWO HOURS TRAILER

The Rise of Skywlker hit theatres last week. The best thing I can say is that... it is a movie, things move in the frame, there seems to be a script and... there are actors who say some lines and that is all. The sad reality is that this movie was so bad that it makes The Last Jedi interesting in comparison, and that is a very low bar. I find two sorts of problems: the writing and the editing.

EDITING, STAGING AND OTHER PROBLEMS

The movie is, simply put, poorly directed, and even worse edited. The movie just jells at you and throws constant information, moving from one thing to the next one without allowing the viewer to actually think in what is going on. There is not a single frame in the whole movie that last longer than five seconds. Even emotional moments are quickly edited, which worsens it, because the viewer is rewarded with nothing by the end, emotions just do not pay off. It feels like a trailer that is constantly promising something that never comes. The movie... empty. I cannot help thinking that J J Abrahms did so on purpose, knowing that with such a script the only way to go was to edit as fast as possible so the viewer's brain is shut down. J. J. Abrahms was caught in a very awkward position. The best way to go would have been not to make the movie or to wait until a better script came up. The Last Jedi is visualy much more interesting and triggering than this random pointless information thrower machine.

Much the same can be said of the action sequences. Kylo vs Rey in Endor is mildly interesting, but the choreography is slopy and the editing does not help. I can see things moving but the action is not properly edited and the action itself is not that well choreographed, even the prequels had better choreography (even though they were spectacular and lacked real tension or emotion). They should have gone for someting closer to The Empire Strikes Back: make it simple, lethal, make every move count and put the characters in real danger, which is something I cannot feel in the Endor fight scene as well in any of the others.

The final battle in Exegol is the worst thing to ever happen in the history of Star Wars battles. Badly edited, badly writen, and most importantly, they lacked a sense of geography which could have made the battle much more interesting. The ships were moving from one place to another and there was little effort put into making the viewer know from where they were attacking and where was the target. So yes, a lot of movement, but really pointless... and bloody embarrasing. Even the prequels, which are a standard for bad movies, had better battle sequences.

THE SCRIPT

Is there a script? The actors seem to read the lines from somewhere. I think K. Kennedy ordered a script, perhaps she asked Alexa or any artificial inteligence to watched all previous Star Wars movies and then asked her to write a script. The dialogues lack real emotion, and feel in service of one liners which resembled the original triology rather vaguely. There is no sense of real danger, tension, emotion... all the movie feels flat and empty. All the Kylo Ren and Rey staff is at least a little bit interesting in terms of character. The whole Palpatine thing, on the other hand, is laughable: it points out they did not have a clear idea of where to go with this. Nothing new is achieved in this trash, Rey has the same arc as Luke, Kylo redeems himself, just like Vader. Finn and Poe are given nothing but going from one place to another, and do not evolve as characters, opposit to what Rian Johnson tried in The Last Jedi (at least he tried something).

The whole script works better as a videogame: the characters seem to be completing missions. To get this object they must go this place, which sets up the next task they have to accomplish, or the next object they have to look for in the next scene and so on. Nothing emotional is given and even where there is something, they spoil it. Chewbacca's death would have been something rather interesting, for it would have made Rey guilty of a major character's death, which is an interesting direction. Instead of that it is revealed that Chewbacca is still a live the very next minute, making Rey's guilt unimportant.

FINAL LINES

Fuck Star Wars, fuck it.